The day we bring our baby home, we consciously or unconsciously enter into a game of survival.
The Game Of Homes.
With only The Three Roads.
Which will you choose?
The Game of Homes has but three roads in which we all get the choice to travel down. We choose our roads by the goals we set, the skills we have and choose to develop and how we practice or neglect our behaviors over time.
Our philosophy and behaviors will ultimately dictate which road we choose. The road towards divorce which starts by ignoring the , the road towards despair, or the road towards delight.
The difference between the roads we travel comes down to knowing which one we want to travel on and growing to the demands of the journey.
Folks who end up down one of the less fulfilling roads often end up there not because they wanted to, but often because they were simply not taught the skills to travel down any other path, did not choose to learn new skills, or did not want to do the work it would take to break free from the past.
If we never see what a healthy intimate, loving relationship between two mature adults looks like, sounds like or acts like, how are we to know that it exists or how to create it? If we never were taught how to listen actively to another person how are we supposed to understand? If we were not fed a healthy diet, how are we supposed to feed our kids a healthy diet?
Parenting is challenging because a parents job is teaching our children how to survive out in our world. What if we are not trained to teach? What if we are having a hard time surviving ourselves? What if we are just selfish and do not care?
Here lies the challenge of The Game of Homes, the challenge of being in a committed relationship and raising a child while rising to the challenge of growth personally, as a partner and as a parent. Our chosen partner committed to us and agreed to marry us not for who we are at the time but for the promise of the person , partner and parent they are hoping we will grow into.
The road to delight is a viable road for any body willing to mature and grow. The road is full of ups and downs just as the road to divorce and despair. The difference is that on the road to delight we choose to grow as people, we are brave enough to accept we can be better than we are, we invest in learning skills which will continue to add value to our partner and children and this earns us the coveted feeling of respect. When parents respect each other and run their castle side by side they can live in a more relaxed environment which is desirable and necessary to teach and raise children in.
The more tangible benefit of the road to delight is that we are able to get most of our human needs met right there in our own castle while we defend our family from the powers that would lead us astray. If our partner respects us and we are relevant in their life adding value to their life, they are open to sharing themselves with us. This sharing of ourselves is where we experience the intimacy, the love, sex and connection most of us are looking for.
Our individual road to delight is different for each of us however if we are in a committed relationship with a person we chose to walk down the aisle with and we are committed to raising a child or children together, then shouldn't a healthy relationship with love and intimacy not be part of what our journey would include?
There are foundation skills that we need, however skills really support our goals.
To travel down the road of delight we need to first decide conciously that that is the road we want to take. It has been said that communication is the key. Learning to listen actively makes communication possible. If we do not know how to listen actively, then we cannot understand what is needed of us and we cannot learn. Our family Philosophies are perhaps the greatest factor to determine our road. For example in every home we have a philosophy or a way of thinking about everything from our budget and spending, to what we teach our kids about bullying, to what we eat, to our role of husband and father.
Our children are merely a reflection of the best we have to offer them in terms of love, discipline, and life skills.
The beauty is, if we made it to adulthood we know something about survival. The key is to
Although we have amazing technology, we the people, humans are not any different than the humans that walked down the streets of ancient Rome or those first settlers of this great country.
We still need shelter, food and an occupation or craft in which we can add value to society. Our clothes are different and as a civilization we are advanced yet our basic needs are the same, survival.
We are at war if we choose to accept that or not, we have the luxury of living our lives in relative peace and harmony in most areas of this great country although hate, ignorance, intolerance and violence which we the people have always dealt with is bubbling up to the surface more and more.
When it is just two folks surviving it is relatively easier to make it because Now add children into the mix of our responsibilities and the battle becomes even more relevant to us. War against sickness, war against our desires for stuff we really cannot afford, war against our reactions to what life throws at us, war against the haters of the world, war against mediocrity, war against junk food, war for the minds and focus of our children, the war between balance and chaos.